I'm feeling a little mischievous as I just sent this list to my sister who's daughter will be reaching toddler status before too long...
For those of you who are parents- is this about right?
How to Put a Toddler to Bed in 100 Easy Steps
1. Announce that it's time to go to bed.
2. Wait for your toddler to stop crying.
3. Explain that bedtime is not a punishment.
4. Explain that bedtime is not a new concept.
5. Explain that, yes, bedtime will happen every night.
6. Console your toddler.
7. Announce that it's still bedtime.
8. Let your toddler know that we don't call names in this house.
9. Tell your toddler it's time to go upstairs.
10. Watch your toddler move at a snail's pace.
11. Wait for your toddler to stop crying.
12. Pick up your toddler.
13. Walk your toddler upstairs.
14. Pick out the wrong pair of pajamas for your toddler.
15. Pick out another wrong pair of pajamas for your toddler.
16. Explain that the right pair of pajamas are in the wash.
17. Explain that you will not be doing a load of laundry this evening.
18. Console your toddler while he/she cries.
19 Explain that in this house we don't call names.
20. Watch your toddler struggle to get into his/her pajamas.
21. Ask your toddler if you can help.
22. Continue watching your toddler struggle.
23. Watch your toddler try to wear a pair of pants like a shirt.
24. Console your toddler.
25. Put the wrong pair of pajamas on your toddler.
26. Announce that it's time to brush teeth.
27. Explain the benefits of dental hygiene.
28. Console your toddler.
29. Carry your toddler into the bathroom.
30. Put a microscopic amount of toothpaste (poison) onto the toddler toothbrush.
31. Wet toothbrush.
32. When your toddler opens his/her mouth 1/45th of an inch wide, attempt to clean teeth.
33. Your toddler will attempt to spit in the sink, but will actually spit on the counter. Clean it up.
34. Console your toddler.
35. Ask your toddler to pick out two books.
36. Toddler will pick out the two longest books in your home.
37. Read the first line of every third page of the two books.
38. Field unrelated questions and interruptions.
39. Tell toddler it's time for a good night kiss.
40. Toddler will be suddenly and urgently thirsty, give toddler a small drink of water.
41. Toddler will ask a question. Answer question.
42. Say "good night" and kiss toddler.
43. Toddler will ask for a hug. Hug toddler.
44. Toddler will take up a sudden interest in potty training and ask to use the bathroom. It's poop.
45. Help toddler in the bathroom. Notice that there is no poop.
46. Toddler may become afraid. Assure toddler that there is nothing to be afraid of.
47. Toddler will ask a question about life. Answer question.
48. Toddler will need another hug and kiss. Give hug and kiss.
49. Toddler needs to urinate. Help toddler in the bathroom. Notice that toddler actually urinates.
50. Toddler requires a sticker for urinating successfully.
Click here to see the rest of the steps.
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