These tweets about marriage will make perfect sense if you’re a husband or wife...
Started a movie 45 mins ago with my wife.— Salamingia (@salamingia) January 27, 2018
We’re 7 mins in.
90% of my text messages are my wife checking to see if I’ve done something yet.— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) March 25, 2018
If your wife birthed your big-headed baby, then you clean the hair out of the shower drain. Those are the rules.— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) March 27, 2018
*Looking for something around the house.— Slade’s Situation™ (@Dad_in_Brief) March 9, 2018
Me: Have you seen it?
Wife: Yes, I put it back where it belongs.
Me: Ah, thank you.
*Still has no idea where it is.
If you like getting angry at the way someone turns a doorknob, marriage may be right for you.— Betty (@BoomBoomBetty) March 25, 2018
My wife and I have a rule whoever is driving controls the radio, unless I'm driving and then she controls the radio.— Dan Regan (@Social_Mime) March 28, 2018
Oh your husband bought you a designer handbag? Mine ordered me my very own large pizza— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) March 23, 2018
My wife just replied to my email with “Unsubscribe.”— Kent Graham (@KentWGraham) March 27, 2018
“Does this smell ok?” and “Guess when I last washed my hair?” are just two examples of fun games you can play to spice up your marriage.— Brooke Siegel (@brookejena) March 23, 2018
My wife is getting rid of all the clutter. If you see the kids and me standing out by the street, it means we didn't make the cut this year.— α geek (@alfageeek) March 17, 2013
(100 miles from exit)— DPW (@pondermymaker) March 1, 2018
Wife: You need to get in the right lane.