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New Airpods Might Monitor Your Health

Everyone sees how cool you are, don't worry. But if you're already dying to get the new airpods they might come with some new upgrades. Read below the picture for the full story. Continue reading for my conspiracy theory.

My first thought is that these headphones have to be listening. Will they rebuke me when I order unhealthy food? For example

  • Drunk me at 2AM: Hey man! Can I get a triple order of Topperstix? Marinara and Ranch for dipping?
  • Pizza Pro: For sure man anything else?
  • Airpods: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? YOU KNOW HOW MANY CALORIES YOU'RE ABOUT TO INGEST? I simply won't allow it. (Hangs up phone for me because they're connected)

Now does that help me in the long run? For sure. I don't need that level of cheese and bread at 2AM. But damn would I like to. Attempt #2

  • Drunk Me at 2:04 AM: (Opens laptop and heads to tastypizzathatcureshangovers.com and proceeds to put pepperoni on the triple order of topperstix this time.) Ohh this looks good. (click add to cart)
  • AIRPODS: You seem to not understand what's going on here. I'm here to monitor your health, you're using your macbook to order, YOU THINK I CAN'T SEE THAT? HAHAHAHHAHA (LAUGHS MANICALLY WHILE CLOSING WEBSITE)
  • Drunk me at 2:06 AM: Dammit! 

At this point it seems the airpods/siri have won. Will I ever get the pizza

  • Drunk me at 2:07 AM: Hey Alexa, enable the Dominos skill
  • Alexa my Lovely Digital Assistant: Skill enabled, would you like to order pizza?
  • Airpods: Wait what is happening? Who are you talking to? Who else is in the room?
  • Drunk Me at 2:07 AM: Yeah that would be great, could you repeat my last order?
  • Alexa: For sure, I'll notify Dominos.
  • Airpods: NOOOOOOOO (feels defeated for not properly monitoring my health)
  • Drunk Me at 2:08 AM: Fist bumps my Alexa.
  • Drunk Me at 2:38 AM: Oh right on, the pizza is here.

Yes this is a real thing your Amazon smart speaker can do. You have to link accounts and all that but its pretty rad. Likely this will ever happen? Not with the airpods 2 at least....

(Mashable) Apple’s next generation of AirPods may also monitor your health.

According to a report by Digitimes, Apple is preparing to release its AirPods 2 in the first-half of 2019. The company’s newest wireless earbud model will also feature unspecified “health monitoring functions,” according to the report.

While other outlets have pointed out Digitimes’ mixed record when it comes to Apple product speculation, the rumors in this report are not completely unfounded.

Read the full story at Mashable.

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